Not more than a couple of months ago I remember thinking to myself that maybe my days of performing as I had known them, were over. Maybe, I thought, my singing will only be about chanting. If you have read my other two posts regarding my singing journey, then you will know that the biggest challenge of the last two years, in studying for my Masters in Ritual Chant, has been the vocal work. Briefly and to recap, I found when I arrived in Ireland that a natural vibrato does not work in singing Gregorian chant. The reality is I had to learn to sing all over again, and it has been hard work. A break-through came this past spring in working with Marie Walsh, my vocal instructor. She realized one day that what had happened to my bigger voice is that I have been chanting for so many years that I had lost the energy required to sing other types of repetoire, namely musical theater. Singing chant as an entrance into meditation takes a quieter energy and different degree of breath control. When I sing from that quiet meditative place my breath lasts seemingly forever. But after singing this way almost exclusively for so many years, I no longer had the breath control nor the energy level required to sing Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again, from Phantom, or Hello Young Lovers , from the King and I.
I worked all this past academic year with Marie and began to recapture my energy level, breath control and support, but still I had no idea if I could really sing any more. So I decided that maybe I was just meant to concentrate on singing world chant and teaching it to others. Well that's what I thought, but that thought was short- lived. Two days after I had almost resigned myself to never performing again, I had one of those amazing synchronistic moments. It was at Glenstal Abbey at a gathering. I was standing and talking with two monks, one a beautiful singer and the other a world class organist and pianist. We were talking about singing and how if you only sing one genre, namely chant,and you don't stretch yourself, you lose your ability to sing other types of music.
I could totally relate to the conversation. Br Cyprian didn't know I was a singer. I wasn't sure was anymore,but the moment he offered to play for me, I didn't hesitate to say yes. You see you can't deny something that is so much a part of who you are. Br Cyprian said he loved to accompany singers and that if I gave him some sheet music he would be happy to play for me. I was honored by his offer and thrilled to try my hand at singing again with accompaniment,and what accompaniment. Br Cyprian is a magic pianist and organist.
I gathered some music that my friend, Denise Karamardian, of Ithaca brought to me when she visited ere in Limerick in May. I made copies and left them for Br Cyprian. We met in the board room of the Glenstal Abbey school a few weeks later. This is not really a board room but rather the large, beautiful geathering room of the Glenstal Abbey castle. It has high ceilings and lovely accoustics, a perfect place to sing, and it turns out a perfect place for a recital.
I sang through five pieces during that first rehearsal with Br Cyprian one morning in early July and by the end of the first run through he suggested that we should do a recital. I can't tell you how thrilled I was to hear him say that. YOu see, after all the vocal training I knew my voice had changed. It didn't sound the same to me. I truly didn't know if it was good, average, no longer of performance quality. I found out.
Yesterday, after about six weeks of rehearsals, Br Cyprian and I held a recital. At 4:00 p.m. on a lovely Sunday afternoon about 25 people gathered to hear our program of musical theater classics intermingled with Chopin. After probably five years, maybe longer, I stepped in front of an audience to sing some of my favorite pieces, Good Night My Someone, Look to the Rainbow, Old Devid Moon, Hello Young Lovers, Out of My Dreams, Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again and Momele, an old Yiddish peace.
I sang those pieces from my heart, perhaps in a way I had never song them before. I sang each of these pieces from the inside out. I was not performing, I was telling the listeners what was in my heart. Each song was a vehicle for expression. Every song was very meaningful and filled with personal imagery and experiences. I sang about my father. I sang about my mother. I sang about lost love and hopeful love. I sang a lullabye to my son and grandson. I simply sang my heart. I sang in a way I had never sung before,with no thought of anything but to express the deep meaning of each song in the best way I could.
The recital lasted about 45 minutes. I am still processing the experience. I graduated yesterday from performing to singing in a more authentic way than I have ever sung. For the first time in my life perhaps I was singing me. I really understood this was the case when I was told that I was so natural. Today a dear friend asked me when I am planning the next recital. He told me it comes so naturally, that is something I must do. I understood what he was telling me and this brought tears to my eye. I am still teary as I write. There is nothing in this world that I love so much as singing. Yes, I am passionate about chant, absolutely! But I now know how much singing still means to me;how is my essential expression. Nothing has changed from the time I was a little girl. I am still filled with joy when I sing.
Br Cyprian and I our planning our next recital for later this fall, perhaps a light classics program. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to again sing for an audience. You know it is a great honor and priviledge to be able to sing for someone, to share not just your signing ability, but yourself. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.I have learned so much. I will be processing this for sometime.
Love from Glocca Morra
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