During the holidays I was given a book titled Aging to Sageing by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. I had a birthday approaching and I had been thinking a great deal about the aging process, what it means to grow older gracefully and particularly in American We live in such a youth-centered society, bombarded with advertisements and products that are focused on helping baby boomers stay young. But why, why do we have to stay young? I mean the reality is we can try to stay as young looking as possible, to eat well and remain fit, but ultimately we are all going to get older, in fact we are going to, if we are fortunate enough to live long enough, we are going to get old.
Still the focus is on staying young. It seems the wrong focus for a generation that is living so much longer than our grandparents and a generation that is aging more slowly. We are living on average another 30 years beyond our grandparents’ generation. Can we keep up the youthful appearance? Sure, with plastic surgery and youthful fashions, overdosing on exercise, though that surely isn't a problem for most of us. Still, I believe the focus is all wrong.
For many of us, this period is not about retiring and reclining, waiting to grow old, expecting to be bent over and diseased-ridden. This is the way we have been sold old age. This is the way a younger generations sees old age as they look at their grandparents aging in this way. Our societal response has been to build nursing homes and retirement communities that separate us from the normality of mixing generations. We have even created special health insurance, long term care to support stay in such facilities, because we are living longer. The implications is that this is inevitable.
But some of us don’t buy into this paradigm. The focus now for many of us is not on retiring but reinventing ourselves, fulfilling our passion, or finding new interests that keep us engaged, productive and inspired.But there is more to it. Eventually, there are the realities of aging bodies and aging minds, and we must face these facts. The difference, the paradigm shift is that while we need face our afflictions we do not need to give into them, nor make them the center of our lives.
Pre- Industrial revolution generations of families lived together or near one another and the elders were the family matriarchs and patriarchs. They were revered and respected for their wisdom, for their life experience. Our generation, mine, has a unique opportunity to recapture this place in society and to take it a step further. Many of us may have an extra 30 years on this planet and we are living in a time of great spirituality. The wisdom that we possess goes beyond life experience. It is a deeper wisdom that comes when we accept our age and can engage in a more inward direction and become more fully realized as human beings. From that place we have even more to give our family,friends, and society. At this age, hopefully we are not so outwardly engaged, no longer driven by earning a living or material wants or the need for pretense of constant socialization. Yes, we still need to stay healthy, exercise, eat right, and take care of our appearance but not just for the sake of staying or looking young, but for the sake of aging well. We have an opportunity to show our children and grandchildren that there is a great dignity in aging and that it deserves reverence and respect. It may take some effort to get to this place within ourselves. It will mean doing some work, clearing the past, coming to terms and to peace with by gone events and old relationships, bringing them to closure so one can clear the space to concentrate on our spirituality, our purpose and on this lovely stage of life called elderhood.
It occurs to me that if we can embrace the concept of agelessness, we will immediately eliminate all the social constraints that are placed on us as people of a “certain age.” My dad was a living example of this. He was timeless, ageless and totally engaged in life until he passed at the age of 90. He walked tall, kept himself fit, and his mind engaged and active. He had the love and respect of children, grandchildren, and his many friends. He was valued for his keen intellect, sense of humor,kindness, and his deep wisdom. I will write more about him another time. This is enough to think about for now. I hope you will share your comments and thoughts with me. This is an ongoing dialogue.
Love from Glocca Morra from a woman of a “delicate” age!
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