I have just started my second year of an MA Ritual Chant and Song program at the Irish World Academy of Song and Dance, and I love it still. This year, I may have already told you, I am devoting myself to singing as much as I can. I am working with wonderful and accomplished tutors and I am continuing every day to learn about myself and my connection and expression of my soul through song.
Our singing voices, just like our speaking voices, are as unique to each of us as our finger prints, or our faces. We are all unique in so many ways and it is so important to embrace ourselves and to be thankful for our special talents and gifts. We all have them. It is also important to follow our hearts and our passions; to not spend our lives in any way regretting that we did not take the opportunities to do what really resonates with our being; to follow our compelling. And equally important is the vital need to stay true to ourselves. This is something I know, something I do, but it is now something I realize, because for the first time I am doing it full time, that this applies to my singing as well.
I am enrolled in a wonderful program, whose core repertoire is Gregorian chant. I am working with wonderful teachers who are equally wonderful people, and my singing has improved. But that is not something that is evident when I try to sing Gregorian chant in a prescribed way. I love Gregorian chant, I love to listen to my classmates sing, and to meditate as I listen to the monks beautifully chant the psalms at Vespers at Glenstal Abbey. I love to hear my chant teacher sing in her powerful and beautiful way. But it is not something that I can do in the same way. As hard as I try to integrate what she and others prescribe - for me it is not a joyous experience. I do not sing Gregorian chant beautifully or easily. And yesterday after singing a Kyrie for a group in an ungraded presentation, I found that as much as I had practiced and as hard as I tried, I could not sing it in the way that was expected. And now I see that I I should not expect myself to do so; that in trying to do so I am going against my own grain and not being true to myself.
I think that like anything else in life, we should listen and try to learn from everyone and every experience, but if something truly doesn't resonate, is not aligned with who you are, then you must examine it and decide whether or not it is something you can take on. I think that singers go through this all the time. We are so self-aware and self-critical. And when you are trying to sing a certain genre or a style that just doesn't fit, that you struggle with, you need to really examine it, and make some decisions. Of course I want to sing Gregorian chant beautifully, freely, and joyously, but I just don't seem to be able to do so. So I am going to stop struggling with it and sing what I know I sing well, what I love to sing. The worst thing that can happen to a singer is to go against your instincts and allow the journey to sour. Conversely you must listen and learn, but you must also come to a place where you know what works for you and you must be true to yourself so you don't lose the joy of the journey.
I think this can be said for all of life. You must listen in and not ignore your own instincts, your inner voice, or what your body is telling you. If something doesn't feel right, pay attention. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't try new things and learn as much as we can. Take what works but don't force yourself to fit into a mold. It must all be aligned with who you are, whatever you are doing. Over the years I have held a number of management positions. I enjoyed the challenge and my career progressed, but I often felt like a round peg in a square hole. I fit, but I rattled around.
I am grateful for a long and diverse career and the wonderful people I worked with and met over the years as a result. But now I am listening more carefully, following my heart and immersing myself in chant and singing. And even while I am truly doing what I am so passionate about, I am finding I have to pay attention to what feels right, what resonates, and what brings me joy. I am on a journey of singing and I am learning so much about music and about myself, and I am grateful.
Love from Glocca Morra
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